neglectnormalcy

Bleary weekend - SICK.

Friday night went to a Williamsburg birthday party for Dan Ryan and two other people (I have no idea who they are...) and it was crazy dance-party fun with Meesh and Doug. Those kids know how to get down. The playlist was a bit paltry at times but they busted out some good 80s songs. Doug kept on singing the intro to "This Ain't a Scene..." and that kept the girls giggling. It also marked the first time at a party with Doug in which he wasn't the first person with his shirt off...his trademark is catching on to the masses.

Erica and I headed home in the death-cold that has taken over New York this weekend and I had a restless night of sleep. I usually toss and turn anyway, but this was ridiculous. I know this interests you very much.

On Saturday my minor cough developed into a full blown cough-slash-wheeze when I had to trek 14 blocks to an interview in the aforementioned death-cold. The F train was not running past a certain point on Saturday, so I had to get off and walk the rest of the way in my heels - which wasn't even the painful part. When I got there the gracious interviewer totally understood my wheezing as I tried to explain to her why I'd be perfect for the job. She kept on refilling my glass of water, and I was completely embarrassed as I spazzed into coughing fits every time I came to a point. Sigh. On the plus side she said I was a) adorable, b) reminded her of Anne Hathaway from the Devil Wears Prada, except with better clothes and c) was excited about me. I've gotten these good vibes before, however, and I'm not holding my breath for anything to pan out.

When I finally got home, I crawled into my tiny bed and curled smaller and smaller into a ball until my chest was forced to stop spontaneously erupting - but then I couldn't breathe at all. My spirits were soon lifted by a visit from Jiscilla, and we settled on the couch with some good grease-food and Kill Bill. [Sidenote: We all re-fell in love with Uma Thurman. And the directing/cinematography of it always mesmerizes me...] We watched the a-fucking-dorable Jeremy Piven on SNL. Some decent skits...then we took in the newly leaked FOB and opined what we thought and what we thought other people would think. [Sidenote: You know we'll also all be in the stores on February 6th buying copies...].

Today I woke up feeling worse and my lips were oddly swollen. What the eff is going on with me?! I had plans to meet up with Meesh for an all-girls Patriots game flipout get-together, but I've decided to shy away from the death-cold today so that I may be prepared for TOMORROW NIGHT. Instead, today, I loitered in my apartment with Papa John's pizza and Kill Bill Vol 2. Erica has been working on some awesome, all-original silkscreened posters for tomorrow night's Stolen Transmission show, and I've been her little assistant and paparazzo. I am taking pictures of her craftiness, and helping out when she needs it. I feel so creative with blue paint spatter on my hands...

Another reason I love today, my apartment, Erica is that we're silk-screening posters and simultaneously flipping out to the Pats/Colts Game. Demonstrative pictures to come.

Randoms:

Check out Pan's Labyrinth. I won't even say anything about it, except that you should see it NOW.

Gwen's on the cover of one of my favorite magazines, Bust [For Women with Something to Get Off Their Chests.]

Thanks to my roommate Rachel, I'm getting into Buffy the Vampire Slayer on dvd. Just watched the first season, but I love it already and the traces of Buffy in one of my recent favorite shows, Veronica Mars, are unmistakeable. I love kick-ass teen girls on television.

FUCK THIS GAME!!! The Colts just scored to tie it up in the 4th quarter...it was 21-3 at halftime, what's going on Pats? Here's to hoping the Pats make it to face Chicago in the Superbowl...

Okay, Jiscilla just posted these pictures from last week at Ruff Club, and then there was this pic...

My weekend turned into four days...five nights. What?!

Friday night. Erica, Rachel and I hit up Ruff Club @ the Annex to dance it up to DJ Rob Hitt. We were soon met with Christy and Jiscilla, plus the legendary Team Couch (aka Justin, Tyler, Nick, Pete and Megan) and the real dance party began. [Sidenote: Some of the Team Couch boys are in a band called Farewell to Arms, and if you like Glassjaw and screaming, you might like them. Personally, just not my taste, but they're good dudes...as far as dudes in '07 go.] I was kind of at my flipping out point already because they were playing stuff like Madonna, Nirvana, and then Gwen Stefani's "What You Waiting For?" - but then I completely lost it when they played "Everlong" by the Foo Fighters. And I was surrounded by my girls and I was just screaming, "If everything could ever feel this real forever! If anything could ever be this good again!!!!!!!!!" Flip. Out. The Colour and the Shape is definitely in my top five albums of all time.

Saturday. I put on my iPod and did some shopping with my Christmas gift cards. The weather was a bit damp, but it was actually really warm. I called Kelly to see what she was up to and she told me to swing by 30 Rock to watch some of Jake Gyllenhaal's SNL rehearsal. Um, wait, yeah, I don't know if I have time....I was there in about 10 minutes. Seriously the fastest walk from 34th street to 49th ever. Uh, Jake is adorable, just saying. And I missed the actual SNL but whatever. I was cracking up at the meatball skit they were rehearsing. After bidding farewell to Kelly, I was so enamored of the weather and my tunes that I walked from 49th to...14th street! Legs are awesome.

Saturday night. There wasn't a lot going down but then Justin and them boys (+Megan - my new friend crush to the max) called me up and we went to Capones in Brooklyn. They are the only group of people that rival the Curbside Gang's dance parties. Seriously. Together, we're an effin' dance troupe. Just take a look at these boys...


Sunday. I spent most of Sunday on the couch, WIPED OUT. I finished Grey's Anatomy Season 2...and oh geez the last few episodes of that season kill me. Denny...McDreamy...the look! The eyes! After seeing that finale, every woman in America wanted to be looked at the way McDreamy was looking at Meredith. Woah. Then I was ready for some massive 24 flip outs. Jack Bauer is back. He will destroy anything in his path!!!! He rules.

Monday night. Fall Out Boy @ The Hard Rock Cafe for a live taping. I'd like to give some shout outs to some supremely awesome girls  - Lauren, Nessa, Michelle, Kerri - because they ROCK. Hmmm....Erica and I had decided to drink some wine before going and when we got there [thankyou doug], beers were being handed to us [umthanksagaindoug] and I generally lost any semblance of cool I may have had. Gurj, Doug, Erica and I were hanging out in the back like cool moms, and then...I was flipping out for FOB. I mean, I always will, but this type of flipping out was the kind where everyone the next night was telling me things I was doing to them/around them. AWESOME. Erica apparently pushed me into a mosh pit as a joke, but I just went with it...YIKES. Oh, and I had a horribly embarrassing fall. Classy entertainment for all! I was bad news, though Erica swears I was fun. HA.

Tuesday night. Fall Out Boy @ Hammerstein. First of all, this show entailed the entirety of the Curbside Gang showing up for some flipping out. Permanent Me opened the show and they rocked!!! Seriously, if you haven't yet, check them oooooooooooout! Then Lifetime. Then New Found Glory - whom I haven't seen in a few years, but I got all nostalgic for the days when I used to play "Hit or Miss" on my cd player and rock out in my room. Soooo long ago! Between their set and Fall Out Boy's there was a trainwreck of a situation going on in the rafters - some girl in a cutoff jean skirt was gyrating to the rap music playing and everybody saw her vajayjay. Quite a few times. Just saying. Woah. Woah. Her friends didn't even tell her to stop....lame. The set was awesome though - I'm always ready to flip out with a sea full of teens and jump up and down pumping my fist. I'm pretty much in love with "Of all the Gin Joints" and "This Ain't a Scene" live...I love FOB shows because all of my friends [age range: 23-25] get to act like we're 15. Basically my friends make the shows...and I love them for it.

So there was tons of craziness, and now I'm spent and need to watch the second half of the 24 premiere and SLEEP.

Random:

The Hills - Since Twenty-Four/Seven got cancelled, let us now revel in the douchebaggery of another reality tv boy - Spencer. Pretty much if you don't know what doucheslut (copyright Erica & Jessica) means, Spencer would be a prime example. Among others...

Passions got cancelled. I need to find the picture of my friends and I in 2000 (omg seven years?!) when we went to a local mall to meet Jesse Metcalfe, who played Miguel at the time on the soap opera. He thought we were his biggest fans everrrrr, but we really had nothing to do and thought we'd waste some time...ps you may remember him as the gardener banging out Eva Longoria on Season 1 of Desperate Housewives...

I'm so into the live [bootleg] recording of Ryan Adams' July 2006 Starland Ballroom performance. The lyrics to "Wish You Were Here" turning into "Wish I'd only made one record...Instead I made eight..." = priceless. Also, "Dear Chicago" & "Come Pick Me Up" & "I See Monsters" live....uhhhh, can't even describe...

I'm pretty pumped that American Ferrera won a Golden Globe.

Ugh, Jeremy Piven & ANTM's Melrose?! Seriously? ...SERIOUSLY??

Okay, I know, I know I'm a geek but I'm pretty psyched to hear that there will be a Bryan Singer-directed sequel to Superman Returns. More Brandon Routh for my salivating eyes...

And to end, I'm SO EXCITED for this benefit show - it rules on SO many levels - so if you're in NYC puh-leeeeze come out and give some money to help out animals while entertaining your ears with some of the best bands out there today...

First and foremost, Gwen Stefani released a video for my favorite song on her latest album, and it's adorable and vomits gold at your face. But. I love it. I even appreciate Akon, as my roommate has become fully obsessed with him. In other news, I shall be relaxing for a while. I've been getting back into kickboxing, but other than that I'm looking forward to some reading and relaxation time. Plus, I have like ten albums on my computer I have yet to transfer to my iPod, and this [most importantly] includes a bootleg of a Ryan Adams concert (live!).

And some pics! Today Show make-up on, Today Show make-up off!


I know, I look so startled in the first pic. But remember, I have pounds of makeup on in it.

Also, one of my friends posted an amazing quote by Henry Rollins...which is kind of interesting given that my coworker just told me she used to date the bassist in the Rollins Band for 5 years...and then dated Henry for 2. Weird! Here's the quote:

"if i was a woman these days, i'd be killing motherfuckers. my handgun would never cool & my hands would be covered in testicular blood. i would have a horrible reputation with a lot of men because i would be calling them on their weak bullshit left & right."

Officially owns. Henry Rollins is so 2007.

But they're putting me on live tv!

So if you'd like to see Jessica Parker make a fool of herself, tune into the TODAY show tomorrow (Tuesday) between 8 and 9 am. I'm going to be on a segment about budget shopping w/ Stacey London (What Not to Wear) and I think it's pretty hilarious that people are letting this girl on live national television.

Background: my best friend Kelly works at the Today show and a segment producer was in desperate need of a "real girl" model that fit a certain size because one of hers dropped out. I happened to be her size and a real girl! So I went in for a fitting...

Watch out for my super-excited smile (I trained for years...)!

Also, the great television that will come out of the coupling of my intense nervousness and the five-inch heels they have me strutting around in should be CLASSIC. If you have HD, you'll probably see my lips quivering...oh and my entire face twitching. Yeah!!!!

Last night the girls and I rented a car and drove to Rhode Island for the first of two Monty Are I home shows. I was in a bum-out mood, but those girls never fail to crack me up. Combine them with a lot of vodka, the Cranston crew, the AMAZING live show of Monty Are I, and a sweet house party and I was all set. Some highlights in no particular order...(these moments are hazy at best) -

Jiscilla likes neither sandwiches nor Justin Timberlake. I can't quite grasp either notion. When we stopped at Subway, Christy reacted to Jiscilla by saying, "At least it's not called Sandwichway!" Who doesn't like sandwiches?!

Everybody in the packed venue jumping in unison and making me feel a little scared that the floor would fall through. It was awesome.

Kelly back in the driver seat like all our old road trips. Despite being in NYC for two years, her road rage remains strong. I love her for it.

Christy explaining to us the moment she thought British people had shorter arms than anybody else. Yeah.

Our rented car was a Chrysler 300. We named it Styles Bentley the Third. We were styling.

I think my drinking curbed the fact that I was in the mood to punch people in the face if they so much as gave me a sideways glance. So nobody got hurt. Yay!

On our way back home from the show, besides screaming our lungs out to Beyonce's "Irreplaceable," (how fucking good is that song?!) I called the local radio station to request Fall Out Boy's "This Ain't a Scene" and the DJ goes, "If it isn't a scene, what is it?" My voice is all super-raspy because of screaming my lungs out at the show, Beyonce singing, and all that vodka that had burned my esophagus, I screamed "IT'S A GODDAMN ARMS RACE." The dude (who was probably a Brown University freshman) loved me.

My inebriated state led me to yell out "double-u, double-u, double-u DOT myspace DOT com BACKSLASH nicksnow" at lulls in conversation.

Donnie at 8 pm: I WILL NOT DANCE WITH YOU TO FALL OUT BOY!!
Donnie at midnight: JESS, IT'S FALL OUT BOY, LET'S DANCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Erica (aka DJ The Clap - we've decided...) started a Midtown dance party.

Steve: I am not dancing with you to Midtown.
Apparently everybody thinks they don't want to dance with me.

I found Erica's sidekick on a counter and proceeded to IM Nick Snow: "thisl is jessidkca i luove yoasu" ...Erica, I'm kind of obsessed with your boyfriend and I think you should step up and get jealouz. I then placed the sidekick in a cabinet.

DJ The Clap also got Monty Are I's manager out on the dance floor (aka Felicia's living room) for a song. Dude was wasted-face. And it was hilarious.

Erica: "Wait, it gets BETTER!"

Felicia felt up Rawan's boobs. That is all I'm going to say about that, except that it was not in any way sexual.

Much love to: Ben - who got a new nose ring and who's coming for NEW YEARS!!!! Nick Fircanis - whose heart was broken that very morning, but still managed to dance the night away. I faintly remember a homo-erotic moment between Nick and Steve (but this is old hat). Justin fucking Aromin - I love this dude. Emily - She also owns my heart. Rob Y - Moving to New York in March? He doesn't even know what's going to hit him. John - dude rules when it comes to helping out MAI. Donnie! Rawan! Keera - Mike's gf is a fan, but she'd drank too much at the show to make it to our afterparty. Andrew & Jackie. Sabrina and her brand new leather LAMB bag that I will never, ever be able to afford. Ever. Ian aka Cutless from Yo Momma. And there is probably like a million more people I saw last night that I forgot to mention...or forgot I saw...Oops.

Felicia is the bestest hostess EVER. Girl got up like an hour after we all passed out, went to the gym, and then picked us up some bagels and coffee when we woke up. CHAMPION. Also, she is really good at eye makeup. Yes.

Steve is still the man. We can still have good conversations from opposite sides of the room.

This road trip was a follow-up to the legendary inaugural Sans Plans/Sans Pants/Dance, Dance Tour of May 06. We deemed it the Srry2Say Tour. It was even more successful, and completely sold out.

Erica discovered she is a HUGE Akon fan.

Dancing on Felicia's couch with one hand on the ceiling for balance and a Tab Energy & Vodka in the other for pleasure. This is how I welcomed everyone to the party as soon as they walked in the door.

Christy's constant squealing makes me so happy.

Felicia, Kelly, Christy, Jiscilla, and I ALL missing the huge sign for 195 on the way home from the show. How do you get lost in Rhode Island?!

As I was looking through Jiscilla's pictures in the morning -
Jiscilla: Oh, that was the Magazine Cover Shoot. Christy yelled out titles of magazines and Nick struck a pose and I took the picture.

There was a long, drawn-out, conversation in the car ride home about syphiliz. This all started because Christy asked if someone had siblings, and I thought she asked if someone had syphilis. We went on for about an hour, and I deemed Erica DJ The Clap in the process. STDs are funny.

The MAI set was fucking amaaaaaaaaaaaaaazing. Erica and I were were flipping out, holding hands, dancing with people we didn't know, and just being hot messes. "Anchor & Hope" - the handclap, gets me EVERY TIME. I LOVE THAT FUCKING SONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The crowd demanded an encore and I was in the back of the crowd jumping up and down and screaming at the top of my lungs, "CASTLEBOUND!!!!!!!!! CASTLEBOUND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" and then they played "Castlebound." And then they decided to play another song and I yelled, "TIE OF YOUR VEINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TIE OFF YOUR VEINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Then they played "Tie Off Your Veins." The yellow dress works every time.

Okay, I think that's somewhat it. Pictures to come. And my whole body hurts. And my voice is still raspy. Tomorrow is the last day of 2006 and I'm excited for the clean slate of 2007.

I love girls.

My roommate Rachel saw Ewan MacGregor stroll into Barnes & Noble the other morning in dark denim and converse. This happening a week after Kelly and I had a conversation about who we'd be the most starstruck by (male) and both decided Ewan MacGregor was probably tops. Though, after last week's SNL, is there anything at all wrong with Justin Timberlake? Sure, he was in NSync, but that's not THAT bad...it wasn't the Backstreet Boys. Anyway, I'm super jealous of Rachel and wish I could bump into dream boys at my job.



I got the last of my Christmas gifts. I'm so excited for Christmas morning. I always feel like a little kid, no matter what. :)

Last night Erica and I sat on the couch (wooooooo!) and watched bad reality tv because it's our fucking job. Watching the Real World: Denver conjured the same feeling I always get from watching the past few seasons: "Wow, everybody on this show is absolutely worthless." Seriously. And I got kind of creeped out because it reminded me of the last year in Rhode Island - my life probably could have been called The Real World: Kingston. I worked with the people I lived with; three dudes and four girls. Yikes. There was obviously a lot of drinking and shennanigans AND two people who just loved fighting. I usually ignored them or was the peacekeeper, but I remember at times like that I would look into the corners of our apartment and be like, "Is this on secret video?!" ::shudder:: How much I learned from that year....

Moving on, Twenty-four Seven is still delivering the douchebaggery goods. The Prom Kings and their lead singer are AWFUL. Punch in the face awful. Erica and I enjoy the show immensely. But give it up - the best part of those shows are the previews for next week. Right?! Right.

The next film in the Die Hard franchise to be called: Live Free and Die Hard ? Yesssssss!

I was perusing New York Magazine's [slightly pretentious] "Reasons to Love New York" and this reason, about "The Next Isabella Rosselini" living in New York made me miniflip. I went to college with that girl! She disappeared from BU after freshman year, and I guess she moved to NYC...one time my roommate Melissa and I were standing in the lobby talking to her about class stuff and all of a sudden a woman is walking full speed towards us with her coat tails flying behind her and her arm fully extended to shake my hand a good 4 feet before she reached me..."Hi, I'm Isabella, so good to meet you." She did the same to Melissa and then we turned to Elettra and she goes, "This is my mom..." Oh. Cool. Whatevs. We had no idea. Isabella is super-glamorous and gorgeous and, hello, she's Ingrid Bergman's daughter. Probably one of the coolest celebrity encounters I've had...

Now I must sleep. I'm excited for Christmas and cookies and family...I'm loving Aimee Mann's holiday album, "A Drifter in the Snow" - it's not as melancholy as you might think. Her voice soothes me. I've also been listening to Colin Hay's "Overkill" - but that's cause I'm a huge Scrubs dork. Also, it's been a couple of months, but the Matches' Decomposer has not gone a day unheard by mine ears.

I've had some down time at work today and so I've been perusing Ryan Adams' website (I'm obsessed, okay?) and I thought I'd compile a list of his most amazing song titles from his site's songs...and share them. Because I can't be the only one laughing at these...

Ryan has been releasing them under three psuedo-bands: DJ Reggie, The Shit, and WereWolph. Listen HERE. He raps. He screeches. They crack me UP...especially "Sexfuck" where Ryan raps about JT's sexyback and then wishes him a Merry Christmas. Also, check out "TV Shows: The Movie." It's bizarre and hilarious and just look at these titles...

Go here now: DOUG

check out his delectable covers of fall out boy's "dance, dance" and panic! at the disco's "time to dance"

friend him, comment him, ask him why he's always topless, etc.

most of you friendsorenemies.com'ers should know him as oldblueeyes911 or uncle doug. perhaps some even remember his VIP journal on the beta site (RIPx2). friend him or enemy him. tell him what you think. doooo it.

however, i should point out that usually doug doesn't need such help whoring himself out:

Let's talk about - this past week.

Let's talk about - everyone I know in New York is a superhero. No, seriously. I have a theory about this. I'm not going to tell it to you, but if you're my friend and live in New York, I probably think you have superpowers.

Let's talk about - Tuesday. Private Men's Club. Halloween. Kelly, I love you. Missed you all weekend - but we had Tuesday! Erica sporting sweet tights...she made. Hot. Not so hot: taking the L train alone at 3 a.m.



Let's talk about - Thursday. Stolen Transmission @ the Annex. Open bar. Bands. Kind of fell in love with The Photo Atlas. You can make me dance? I like you. Kind of fell asleep during The Horrors (wait: did I forget to mention I worked all this week at 830 am??). Conversations about the Bronx that end up in a job interview for me on Monday. (Yes.) Clinking glasses with Gideon Yago. Adrienne - and her friend Mark! Ben doing lights all night and then us walking them back to Sarah's apartment at 2 am. Erica walking down the street with a light in hand and Nick Snow with a cart o lights. "Watch out for the garbage." I carried...nothing. PureVolume Loft (night 1). Free vodka redbulls to the face. New friends Erin and Lily. Erica, Ben, and Jessica dance show. Erica and I getting dagger eyes from a girl who wanted to take Ben home. Me kind of yelling at her. Listen, he could have if he wanted to, but instead he crashed on our couch. (I get protective about that boy like he's my brother. Word.) Oh, and Sarah showing off her skills:


Let's talk about - Friday. PureVolume Loft (night 2). Free vodka redbulls to the face. Yellow dress. Acquiring the nickname Banana for the entirety of the night. DJ Rob Hitt. Erica, Meredith, Ben and I starting the dance party. Getting asked to be in a music video, dancing in my yellow dress. Valencia playing at 3 am and Erica and I flipping out even though I've never heard them before.  Standing in the bathroom line for an hour with Meredith and introducing ourselves to everybody around us. Christy Decker: "Jessica, you've had too many vodka redbulls...your heart is going to explode!" Ben going home with an awesome, Jessica-approved girl (haha I had to mention it Ben!!). Erica and I going home together and spooning. SLEEP. I FINALLY GOT TO SLEEP.

Let's talk about - catching up on all that was DVR'd this week. LOST?! LOST?! WHAT?!?!?!?!?! -and scene- Also, Erica and I laughing to the point of crying because of a Good Morning America clip on The Soup, which I can't find on YouTube anywhere, and I wish I could share with you. We watched it 5 times and I cried every time.

Let's talk about - Saturday. I suck at Guitar Hero. Is there a Drum Hero videogame?!?! I'd probably own at that. The Matches show, rocking out  (she wants to see me but not to be seen...) I seriously love The Matches. PureVolume Loft (night 3) - wait, where did all these people come from? Free vodka redbulls to the face. Erica's Clandestine Stay Gold (2) hoodie in the spotlight (yeah, she designed it. She's that cool.). Dudes complaining about my hair. Crush(ing). The Photo Atlas at 3 am - flipping out with Gurj and Erica...and some girl next to me who also loves The Photo Atlas (new friend). Mike bringing the dance party to another level. Crazy kids on the subway. Saying bye to Ben :( (effing graduate already and move to New York). L Train with Erica, Justin, and Christy. Our couch is Christy's biggest fan. Kind of in love:


Let's talk about - pick up lines heard this week.

1. "Not many girls can wear fishnets. You have to have nice knees. [stares at my knees for 2 straight minutes] Sevens." [Rejection.] "Wait, did you think I was hitting on you?"

2. "I don't want this to come off as homosexual, because I'm not a homosexual, but I love your ensemble."

3. "I'm in a band."

4. "This beer is for you." / "Thank you." / "Where you from?" / "New York...kinda. Let's go with Boston." / "I hate hate hate the Red Sox." / "Um, okay. Here's your beer back." [Then he proceeded to point at me to the next girl he hit on and shit talk. Sorry, twatwaffle.]

Let's talk about - how dirty I am after this week. I washed my face this morning and wiped my face and my towel was all dirty brown and black. Constantly smelling like smoke (blechhhhh). And coming home usually between 4 am and 7 am all week and going to work. All in the name of debauchery. Erica and I think we might be sweating vodka redbulls for the next week. And the hangover won't kick in until the day after tomorrow or something.

Let's talk about - how none of my pants fit me anymore. All week I wore skirts and dresses...because I have no money for new pants. Also, it was freezing all week. However, by Saturday I'm going, "This skirt's too long." So I hiked it up around my chest and made a dress and safety-pinned the back. Pull a shirt over it, and I'm all set. However, the length of my skirt varied throughout the night due to the fact that I did no logistical planning concerning how to keep the skirt from falling down while I bounced around all night. One hot mess. My mother rules for sending me badass purple tights - the reason I mad the skirt-slash-dress (I had to show them off, duh). My mother also rules because I'm going home next weekend for my aunt and uncle's vow renewals and she's taking me shopping for pantsssssssssss! Tights -



Let's talk about - how I friggin' love New York, and (apparently) it friggin' loves me back.

I'm back! My job kept me away from the seductive Internet...always staring at me as I typed away at press releases and e-mails that were directed at thoroughly-unworthy and job-related causes. ::::firefox::::: :::::explorer:::::

But now my melodramatic self is back and better than ever (I hope).

I realized June is always the worst month of the year for me. The most bleak. Emotional. Unrelenting. Every June growing up meant a move - leaving behind friends, months spent with my family, etc. That's why I generally dislike summer. And I am completely in love with autumn - to most it means some sort of colorful descent into death - well, fall is my spring. Fall has always been my rebirth. September means a new place, a blank slate, and new people. Even during college. Last June was probably the worst on record due to the worst person in history. This past June zapped most energy out of me, and I continue to recuperate.

Point is, I'm back.

For Christy.

1981. A young army officer is stationed in Panama to do fly-ins over Nicaragua. He'd already survived a near-fatal bee sting in the jungle, and would probably be dead if Fred hadn't carried him on his shoulder to the nearest village. He was safe now back in Panama City, recuperating well, and shrugging off jokes from those muscled soldiers in his bunk. He didn't tell his fiancee back home, Jane, what happened. She'd worry. He pictured her blonde hair and blue eyes often when he was so far away.

James was back in action that Friday night - it was time for the Officer's Club, where all the soldiers threw back and mingled with the local girls. He ocassionally danced, nothing more than harmless flirting. And then he caught sight of Maria. Small and overtly feisty, she liked what she was looking at, too.

He asked her to dance - one of the only phrases he knew in Spanish at the time - and they danced without speaking the rest of the night. Their necks strained looking at each other, as he was 6'2'' and she was 5'3''.

She went home that night with her girlfriends flustered and bewildered. They laughed with her, teasing her for letting that white soldier think he might have a chance with an engaged woman. But Maria had already told him she'd see him the next day.

That weekend James and Maria spent together, in the city, quietly, not having to say anything, and not caring that they really couldn't say anything if they wanted to. On Sunday night James threw his all into the only dish he knew how to make (macaroni and cheese) and Maria ate it politely. Then he got on his knee. And he didn't have to translate anything for her to understand what he meant.

Four months later (after the teaching and the learning, after the arguments with the families, after the arguments with their former fiancees, and after the church meetings) James and Maria were married in March 1982.  A little over a year later they would have a daughter, and after moving to Virginia, they would have a son.  And it wouldn't be a stretch to say that they're happy today, in 2006. Though they still speak two tongues, their language is still perfectly fluent.


Okay, I wrote that in 5 minutes, bitches. :D Tell me what you think about my parents, lovers.

Okay, Erica. Okay. You win. You, too, Christy. I went to the Fall Out Boy show with Erica last Friday night and it converted me. Hi, my name is Jessica, and I'm a Fall Out Boy fan.

[Sidenote: Wouldn't that be a great idea for a video? Especially for a band like FOB, where people think they're sellouts and others are afraid to admit they like them? Somebody walks into a classroom for an evening meeting of FOB Anonymous. "Hi, I'm Jack and I'm a Fall Out Boy fan." ... "Hi, Jack." And then the whole video shows clips of these addicts secretly listening to FOB on their iPods on the street and getting caught by fellow addicts, staring at Pete Wentz on FOE.com, buying a Clandestine shirt...HA. And then at the end of the video everybody realizes it's okay to like FOB, because they still rock your socks off.]

So Erica and I were oblivious to the fact that there were three other bands opening for AAR and FOB. We sat outside and drank some beers. Which eased us right into the All-American Rejects blistering set, which we danced through without a pause. "Move Along" rules. Then FOB came on stage. I gave a skeptical look to Erica (I probably didn't, but I'm just trying to add to the imagery of this moment...) and then the beat started and all we could do was dance. And jump. And dance. I don't think I even looked at the stage for a combined five minutes the entire set. It was just fun. My shins and calves started hurting halfway through I was dancing so much. It's five days later, and I still feel sore. And now I actually get it. I can listen to FOB and I'm like, "Hey, they played that song live...let's dance!"

Friday night we met up with Monty Are I at their hotel room and passed out from exhaustion. I was wearing my gray jeans (the skinny jeans for girls whose thighs touch, as Erica and I call them) all weekend. From Friday until early Sunday AM, they didn't come off my legs. Gross and amazing at the same time.

Saturday we headed to Bamboozle, which was a lot like Warped Tour except lamer and with the weirdest VIP/bands/ticketholders class system ever. Erica finally met Christy. Geez. I was so tired from the previous night, my legs weren't holding up well and I wanted to fall asleep right under the Monty Are I tent all day. Monty Are I's set was decent, but they had some technical difficulties.

I was exhausted by the time we got the afterparty, but the open bar lured Erica and I right in. Then Monty played and ROCKED. It sounded amazing. And they were so tight. It got me so pumped. They got everyone in the place pumped - everyone was pumping their fists to "Livin' on a Prayer." Word.

All I have to say is Steve's managers and label reps + their friends take all. And a special mention to Ben, who is the best lights guy I know. If Monty's music is epic, Ben's lights are epic. And he's SuperNiceGuy. When I first met him a few years ago and couldn't remember his name, that's what I called him. And he's still SuperNice.

Erica and I bid adieu to the silly streets and fuckign u-turns of Paramus, New Jersey on Sunday afternoon and ended our first tour (the Sans Plans/Sans Pants/Dance Dance Tour) the only way we knew how: the Wendy's 99-cent menu. And a frostie.

Then we both got sick on Monday. All worth it, all worth it.

From the USWeekly Blog (high literary quality, I know!):

On today’s Oprah Winfrey Show, Teri Hatcher of Desperate Housewives opens up about her short-lived romance with Ryan Seacrest and the infamous shots of them kissing on the beach. According to Hatcher, the American Idol host dumped her an hour after the photos were taken.

Teri: “It was our third date, but it was our first alone. We went to this shacky place, way way outside of L.A…”

Oprah: “How did the paparazzi get there?”

Teri: I have no idea, but interestingly enough I haven’t seen him since that day.”

Oprah: “Not a word since then? What did he say? What did he say when the pictures came out?”

Teri: “The pictures came out three days later. We knew they had been taken. It must’ve bothered him though — bothered him enough that an hour after they were taken he called and said ‘I don’t think I can do this with you.’”

Oprah: “He did? Why?”

Teri: “I don’t know.”

Oprah: “Was it because you were too high profile?”

Teri: “It was because I ate too much lobster. [laughs] No you’d have to ask him.”

Teri, why do you feel like you must do high-profile interviews and tell the world the many reasons they should feel sorry for you? WHY? I really can't effin' stand her. And if she's so flippin' great, why does she care that Ryan Seacrest didn't want to date her? Everybody knows it's not because she's too high profile. It's because she has a vagina...that's doesn't get much coverage due to the fact that her legs are toothpicks.

Yeah, I went there.

Did anyone else see Nick Lachey's MTV Special: What's Left of Me? Apparently emo is in. Black & white interviews on the verge of tears. Sad music on the way out to commercial. Basking in the comfort of family and friends who feel for you. Talking about heartbreak and penning a song about it. Thank you, Pete Wentz, for making this possible. It's great material for The Soup or, as it happens, this lil' blog here.

Props to Nick Lachey for banking on it, though. I mean, his girls are going for those sensitive types. Jessica banging out Adam Levine. Ashlee canoodling with Pete. Emo is the new boy bands. And Nick is catching on.

Why does the internet own me?

Moving on from that deeply existential question, back when I was in college at Boston University, I used to read Gawker on a regular basis. However, I completely slacked off on that gem, until I stumbled upon their "Blue States Lose" column that runs every Friday. Basically, all those kids who think they're so awesome because they go to Misshapes or have shown off a tit or three on LastNightsParty.com get kicked in their hipster asses by some genuinely great shit-talkers. Enjoy: http://www.gawker.com/news/blue-states-lose/

One of the real gems: Look, we’ll be the first ones to admit that Misshapes had a good run, but it’s a sorry state of affairs nowadays over in the West Village. Who the fuck still goes there other than the same 20 friends of the promoters (we’re looking at you, suit guy) and a rotating cast of 19-year-olds who spend all week putting an “edgy” outfit together and practicing facial expressions they saw in The Filth and the Fury into the mirror?

I won't lie, though, I would immediately go to Misshapes if asked. Who could turn down such amazing people watching material?

Sidenote. Steve said at the Monty show the other night a fan came up to him and asked him how his Asian girlfriend was doing. Sweet. So many people have asked me if I'm part Asian - I think it's when I smile and my eyes crinkle - that I'm just going to start saying Yes. I'm actually Panamanian, so now I'll just be both. This was one of the least creepy things I've gotten from being Steve's girlfriend. Example One: At a show I didn't go to, a guy goes up to Justin (the drummer) and asks "Where's Steve's girlfriend? She's hot." as he dug his hands in his pockets. Thanks. Example Two: Last year when Monty played with My Chemical Romance a random girl came up to me and said, "Hey, Jess! How you doing? Wasn't that a great show?" Turned out to be one of the bigger fans. And that description does have a double meaning. Damn you, MySpace. /Sidenote.

All right, one of the most amazing things in this world is The Soup (on the E! Channel). There was a recent debate on El Jay about which was better: Best Week Ever or The Soup. How about Joel McHale is a singular man who is five times funnier than all of the BWE comedians combined? (We're also doing that mathematical calculation by weighing the worst comedians with the best, so it evens out to a zero - there are some good ones on that show.) Anyways, besides Joel, the other reason the Soup is so fucking entertaining is the long-running jokes. Think of it like an over-arching storyline on The O.C. - Ryan and Marissa are together, Ryan and Marissa break up, Marissa does pot/coke/tequila/surfer boy/pills/psycho/surfer boy, Ryan and Marissa are back together - except funnier! I'm talking about how The Soup will play that clip of Whitney going, "Kiss my ass!" over and over again...or of Katie Holmes saying, "Sure!" or even if he just randomly blurts out "Popozao!" Priceless. Unfortunately, people over at El Jay are idiots and most loved BWE. It's so cheesy now. Lame.

This is a really random entry, I know.

Last Sunday Steve took me out to this beach with a rock jetty and it's this amazing secluded spot (see pics). I loved it so much I went back twice in the past week. Once, with Brian and Erin to sit in a mini-canyon, blocking the wind, and drinking some woodchucks. We watched the glorious sun set. Then just to hang out and climb around on the rocks. I don't know why I like rocks, man. HA. I can't wait until it's super warm and I get tan. And maybe I'll be more active and stop lurking the internet and actually "work out." As if I know how.